In this note I will list some of my perfectionist tendencies to finally name them for what they are: a deliberate undoing of action via paralysis.
- I don’t study for my school exams because I think cramming is a suboptimal way to grasp knowledge of a domain, so I tell myself that I prefer depth over breadth. Only to fail at both. In school academics, this would result in late assignment submissions or low test scores. In the “depth” learning part this would be not following up on my promise of studying something deeply such as procrastinating on working through my math textbook. Why? I clearly like doing math and I enjoy it when I am learning new things. Because I want to do it “my way”, which includes having a nice setup with a brain in the best-est conditions (which are extremely rare to come by) and my calendar also being clear. This sets me up for failure, I can’t just pick up a pen and paper and pull up the book and start. “Small, diligent work is unsexy.”
- books and audiobooks