In my schizophrenic search into finding the truth I have now realised that I don’t really know what the truth is. So, in a sense, I don’t know what I am looking for. Isn’t that just the most blissful state to be in? To quote Herman Hesse from Siddhartha:
“When someone is searching,” said Siddhartha, “then it might easily happen that the only thing his eyes still see is that what he searches for, that he is unable to find anything, to let anything enter his mind, because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed by the goal. Searching means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a searcher, because, striving for your goal, there are many things you don’t see, which are directly in front of your eyes.”
Therefore, I can find a truth, maybe not the truth in my search for it. I can then reiterate over it and consider if this truth is to my liking. I can then search for more truths. Thus, it is indeed the best state I could be in, having no idea about what the truth is. It’s scary, but it’s soothing.
To learn something, one must forget what has been learned by them. I hope I recover from this schizophrenia soon.